RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
