I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How does it feel to date your dad?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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