if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
