Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
