I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
