you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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