he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
