As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize