I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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