Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
