Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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