i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
