i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
