Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
