Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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