Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize