A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wish there were birth control emojis
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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