i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
