Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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