before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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