chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
