Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
