haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
