I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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