So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you inspire me to be a worse person
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize