Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
