hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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