the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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