Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
