I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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