how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
