I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
