I'm jealous of your bromance
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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