The maid of honor just puked.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
