and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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