god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
