Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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