I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
