Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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