you would pick up someone in the library
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
