You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
