me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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