I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize