I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
