Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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