Have you finally orgasmed yet?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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