Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
