I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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