Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
