U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
