It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
