alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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