i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
this hospital has no fireball
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize