Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
