I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
