I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
