There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
