the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
