I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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