When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize