On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My balls are so social today.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
