i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize