just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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