come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
