i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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