I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
